This 50/50 Stuff

I'm the first to admit that I don't mince words and my analogies are sometimes vague and extreme.  In comparing people who believe that a relationship is 50/50 to racists and bigots ("r/b") my intent was to quick draw that r/b live at 50%; they're okay but the other guy ain't!  If they'd get up to the other guy is okay too, unless t'other shows different, then they're living at 100%.  I ain't gonna get into a debate about Lady Justice saying that "a person is innocent until proven guilty" which we know is crap, but in human relationships, because they're up close and personal, we get to be a little more liberal and concise in our assessment of the quality of someones character.  After all, if stereotypes were valid I'd be fat, stupid, AND ugly...

The other half of the comparison:  My experience has shown me that someone who expects the other half of a relationship to meet them "half-way" in order for the relationship to work, unless that "half-way" has been laboriously worked out, clarified, and mutually agreed upon, is smoking some kind of dope.  "Laboriously" is the key word here; y'otta be willing to spend an hour in relationship definin' for every year you want the relationship to last in primary relationships and fifteen minutes for each year in friends, and five minutes for each year in associations like work, clubs, and bowling teams.  At least that's how I see it.  Dorothy and I have spent near 100 hours defining our relationship... that's owing to the stupid part of me that I alluded to earlier.  She knows exactly what she wants it just took a while for me to get it (just kidding, honey.)

More often that not it ain't the big things; infidelity, betrayal, throwing someone under the bus, or tattooing "this man is a rapist" on their stomach that ruins relationships; it's an accumulation of little stuff that ruins relationships.  Things like inauthenticity, duplicity, deceit, insensitivity, substance abuse, neglect, and failure to conduct yourself as a cooperative partner in a relationship that breaks apart relationships.  The only way that I can see to keep a relationship from going on the rocks is to formalize it by defining it, categorizing it, clarifying it, and operating within the established boundaries and guidelines.  Thing's gotta be agreed upon by both parties and if the nature of the relationship changes a revised structure has to be negotiated as well as for any contingent and correspondent relationships that may be affected by the restructuring.  Big deal?  I don't think there's anything more difficult than managing human relationships, and if you can't manage interpersonal relationships what the hell makes you think that you can manage, direct, supervise, or teach others on managing their relationships.  The good news is that the ability to manage interpersonal (micro) relationships equips you to be able to manage mezzo and macro relationships but you sure as hell better be ready for an equivalent amount of time/focus allotment.

For all of the folks that are in too big of a hurry, or are just plain uncommitted to do the foundation work for relationships; welcome to chaos.  If you are involved in a game (see previous post) that has no Ground Rules everyone involved is headed for Armageddon... When I get my self together mayhaps I'll wander into how to set ground rules ex post facto...