Occasionally I'll get bounced with "What do I do with my kid, they won't get accountable about their life?" Being more honest, I get bounced just as often with "What do I do about my boyfriend/significant other, they won't get accountable about their life?" Both issues are different sides of the same coin which appears to be "they" won't get committed to having better results in their life. Let's leave aside, for now, the question begging to be asked, "According to who or what criteria?" and go with clarifying the basic premise. "They" are accountable for their life whether they choose to own that accountability or not; they're going to live it (or not) and they're going to lose it (for sure). Anything anyone other than themselves who does anything which substantially alters the course, weave, or ebb and flow of that life doesn't change the "owners" accountability for their life. It's a gravity issue, man, it's their life as long as the blood pumps and the clock ticks toward the end of that life. Gender, race, ethnicity, religious preference, sexual orientation, or whether or not they like garlic has nothing to do with the accountability for that life. Okay, so maybe they are an infant born in a white-intolerant society and within moments of that birth they are thrown against the wall by the delivering individual, or slain before they are eight years old; then, perhaps, they are not accountable for their short life... Other than those and other similarly bizarre circumstances, the individual gets complete accountability for everything in that life. Nothing anyone else does can compel folks to own accountability if they don't want to but, like I said, it's a gravity issue. (What's a "gravity issue"? When I fall down and hurt my butt I absolutely HATE gravity, but it doesn't matter that I hate it nor does my hate change anything. Get it?)
Now if we're talking about "responsibility" that is a little different, you see, "responsibility" is an active word whereas "accountability" is a passive word. Any action you take can have everything to do with responsibility for your life whereas any action you take has nothing to doing with accountability for your life. I've gotta run now, I'll get back to this in awhile.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
"Everybody's doing it..."
I'm not going to rant about computer dating because I don't know anything about it. Truth be known, given that I met Dorothy when we were fourteen and have been married forty-one years, I don't know anything about any kind of dating... What I do have some pretty good experience about is human "socionomics" (made this word up just now to cover the amount of "true", "essential", and "honest" self people spend in interaction with other humans; please don't throw it around until I can write a book with the title "Human Socionomics - Budgetting Our Investment in Human Interactions", okay?)
What I've experienced is that what you "see" in an individual, with very, very, very few exceptions, is NOT what you get. For example; If a guy has a serious pornography problem he is probably not going to list that on his profile for eHarmony, do you think? The same would probably be true for pedophilia, necrophilia, methamphetamine addiction, alcoholism, sado-masochism (well, maybe that one...), bulimia, exhibitionism, kleptomania, or any of the thousands of other pathological "tender mercies" with which we humans personalize our lives. So how would you know that Ted Bundy-types were Ted Bundy-types until you met them in person and hung out with them? It has been my experience that the "quirk-challenged" go to extreme lengths to cover up, camouflage, or outright deny their "quirkiness d' jour" and it requires prescience to flush them out into the light of day. THAT only brings them to light, dealing with them is another matter (better thou were Job, huh?), and ending them is light years more complicated than that. Truth be known, most of the "quirko-extremes" listed above lead more to compromises than resolutions.
Given this scenario, then, when would the lucky computer-dating relationship lottery winner learn about the quirkiness d' jour and how long would it take to flush it into the light, and how long would it take to flush it into the light of day, and then how much longer to effect the compromise or solution? It seems that computer-dating is convenience oriented anyway, isn't it, so wouldn't the "fox-and-hound routine" pretty much leave only the "con" in convenience? I fully understand it is much easier to sit in front of one's computer and fantasize about finding Prince or Princess Charming at eHarmony than it is to get dressed and go out into the world and participate in life, doing something that edifies one's soul, and see who you meet at that function also edifying their soul. Either way, it seems, you are rolling the dice and it comes down to whether or not what comes up on the die is real anyway. It seems that if one is going to have to do the "human contact" aspect anyway why not just jump right into it? Would appear that the netherworld of "Cyber" would afford the terminally quirky to perfect their mask whereas the "running into people" at events brings spontaneity into the equation and my experience is that the kind of quirkiness we're discussing here is frustrated (or flushed out) by spontaneity...
But anyway, what do I know, right, I've been married forever and the only dating I did was hanging out in Dorothy's back yard until she agreed to marry me.
Next; "Commitment" is not about the time you spend, it's a line you cross!
What I've experienced is that what you "see" in an individual, with very, very, very few exceptions, is NOT what you get. For example; If a guy has a serious pornography problem he is probably not going to list that on his profile for eHarmony, do you think? The same would probably be true for pedophilia, necrophilia, methamphetamine addiction, alcoholism, sado-masochism (well, maybe that one...), bulimia, exhibitionism, kleptomania, or any of the thousands of other pathological "tender mercies" with which we humans personalize our lives. So how would you know that Ted Bundy-types were Ted Bundy-types until you met them in person and hung out with them? It has been my experience that the "quirk-challenged" go to extreme lengths to cover up, camouflage, or outright deny their "quirkiness d' jour" and it requires prescience to flush them out into the light of day. THAT only brings them to light, dealing with them is another matter (better thou were Job, huh?), and ending them is light years more complicated than that. Truth be known, most of the "quirko-extremes" listed above lead more to compromises than resolutions.
Given this scenario, then, when would the lucky computer-dating relationship lottery winner learn about the quirkiness d' jour and how long would it take to flush it into the light, and how long would it take to flush it into the light of day, and then how much longer to effect the compromise or solution? It seems that computer-dating is convenience oriented anyway, isn't it, so wouldn't the "fox-and-hound routine" pretty much leave only the "con" in convenience? I fully understand it is much easier to sit in front of one's computer and fantasize about finding Prince or Princess Charming at eHarmony than it is to get dressed and go out into the world and participate in life, doing something that edifies one's soul, and see who you meet at that function also edifying their soul. Either way, it seems, you are rolling the dice and it comes down to whether or not what comes up on the die is real anyway. It seems that if one is going to have to do the "human contact" aspect anyway why not just jump right into it? Would appear that the netherworld of "Cyber" would afford the terminally quirky to perfect their mask whereas the "running into people" at events brings spontaneity into the equation and my experience is that the kind of quirkiness we're discussing here is frustrated (or flushed out) by spontaneity...
But anyway, what do I know, right, I've been married forever and the only dating I did was hanging out in Dorothy's back yard until she agreed to marry me.
Next; "Commitment" is not about the time you spend, it's a line you cross!
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